Saturday morning

What a bleak, flat header. Sounds like staring at concrete walls, gutters and the plumbing elements at the back end of a building.

It is a cold morning. The temperature dropped overnight by about 30 degrees..it is about 46 degrees outside..unusual for Texas in October. Looking out through the window of course you would never know.

Drenched in sunshine
Bathed in watercolor blue
What a beautiful day
Thank you God.

George Benson's beautiful rendition of California Dreamin' describes it best.

The beach

Ripples in the sand
Memory of the wave that kissed the shore
In the misty morning when the world slept
Little red crabs scurried off
Eddies, swirls and rockpools
Bits of mica glinting in the sun
Laughing, twinkling sand

Rhythm

Day in, day out
Tide in, tide out
Dust to dust
Sand to sand
Rarely, a blinding flash of azure sky.

Weekday, weekend
Pre ms, post ms
Never a good time, is it?
Look in, look out
Stand in, stand out, stand by.

Evanescence

Nothing matters, really. We are inclined to take ourselves far too seriously. Not homes, jobs, cars, money, prestige, pelf...irrelevant in the cosmic scheme of things. When I think of the Universe around me, I shrink to an atom, miniscule, insignificant to the insignificant. It makes cipher of my troubles and puts my life in perspective. When I think of the Universe within me, I realize I am not even me..I am part of the Infinite and my name is Love..nothing else matters, nothing at all.

I am here today, I will be ocean sand tomorrow..maybe a child will build a sandcastle with little particles of me. I will glint in the sun as mica, I will be pulled out by a loving wave- strong as a lover..I will drown in bliss.

On Beauty

Have you ever been wounded by beauty? Have you seen, smelt, heard and felt so deeply that the memory of it branded your soul, seared your substance and made your heart burst with love and joy? It does not take much. For me, all I need to do is look at my child's snub nose and my heart contracts.

A dewdrop perched on the tip of a leaf, waiting to dive onto Demeter. Anthers, petals, sepals, scent..sun kissed. Open my eyes wider, inhale deeper and savor the touch of rose petals on my cheek.

Steve Vai performing 'For the love of God'

Misty mornings

The horizon has melded with the sky. Morning fog kisses the tops of the cornfields. The streetlights are nebulous, casting a soft loving glow. Traffic is slow. The road is slippery. I have to remember to steer into a skid.

The sky is so low today, I feel I am taking off into the stratosphere..the freeway my stairway to heaven. I don't want to go to heaven..it is going to be crowded. Don't want to go to hell..too hot and crowded. I want to be sea  sand..scatter my ashes, please. An abyss in the ocean floor would be nice.

Survival

Some of us are natural survivors, strong and resilient. Others, like me, find survival back-breaking, soul-searching, mind-bending.  Not going on is not an option. And so, I have come up with a survival mantra, an epiphany of sorts if you will. Here is wisdom garnered from nights of wishing to fall into the starry sky..

Wives lose husbands they have been married to for 40 years and more. Like rudderless ships, they flounder on. but they do not sink.  Men become widowers after years of depending on a better half..everyone survives, scarred, scared. Life, relentlessly, goes on. People survive life changing accidents and disasters. Mothers live on after burying their children. I cannot think of anything harder than that. If this is possible, anything is possible.

Healthy human tissue typically takes six weeks to heal and scar. The scar tissue is just a fraction as strong as the original substance..but Time, the great healer, slowly remodels the scar and makes it tenacious and strong. Over years, scars fade. Sometimes, they even surprise us.."Hey, you can barely see it!"

Taking inspiration from nature, I have decided to let myself heal. The scars will fade.