An epiphany saved me. The realization that a 'mantra' is an absolute and binding personal commitment, which may or may not have anything to do with religion. It is the giving up of oneself to one road, to be followed obsessively and compulsively, until the dust on the road coats you..and people cannot tell where the road is and where you are on it..you have become one with it.
It is all- consuming, a force as devouring as fire..and as cleansing. The energy lies within..coiled and inert. It has to be willed into action. And once awake, it needs to be harnessed to give it direction and purpose.
I was never thin..nature did not build me that way. However, I seriously doubt mother nature intended for me to be 70 lbs overweight. For those of you who have no idea of how it feels, it is a sad place to be. IF you were offered hot food and cold water versus cold food and hot water..what would you pick? Chances are, possibly the first combination. So it is with being overweight and not being overweight. The world assumes it is ok to make jokes, give unsolicited advice, call 'funny'/ 'loving' but unmistakably unkind and cruel names...if you are overweight. It is not easy to say 'up yours' to every body who thus targets you. And even more hurtful when you see that your so-called friends are the ones who make up the names that go into circulation. Saying that I wanted to be called by my name, 'Sucheta'/ 'Suchi'..not ANY made up name, did not help. Because they could. Fat AND stabbed in the back.
Whatever. Moving on. You can look at a closed door all your life, or you can look for a way out. I believe deeply in the Almighty and know for sure that when I was groping blindly through my tears of frustration at being called 'fat and ugly' over and over and over again..I was sent my means of saving myself. Friends. Friends who dragged me to the gym. Friends who helped me overcome my awkwardness and join the local Club for fitness classes. Friends who did not call me unkind names but knew I was struggling to change myself. Friends who set me examples of diligence, discipline and no-whining-no-matter-what. Friends who were disciplined enough to stick with diets..and helped me through the really hard days of not straying from my diet. And wonderful instructors who became friends for life.
And slowly but surely I watched the pounds fall off. I also watched in wonder as I got more and more narcissistic. But hey, guess what, self-love is very important. It is a great feeling to tell the person in the mirror: "Looking sexy babe! " It is wonderful to be able to face everyday with a powerhouse of positive energy..and watch as people around you are drawn to that energy and energized by it. To me it has meant watching my husband go from couch-potato to a dedicated 26.2 marathoner..and my 11 year old baby girl excel in swim team and recently join the Fort Bend Fit distance running team.
It is all- consuming, a force as devouring as fire..and as cleansing. The energy lies within..coiled and inert. It has to be willed into action. And once awake, it needs to be harnessed to give it direction and purpose.
I was never thin..nature did not build me that way. However, I seriously doubt mother nature intended for me to be 70 lbs overweight. For those of you who have no idea of how it feels, it is a sad place to be. IF you were offered hot food and cold water versus cold food and hot water..what would you pick? Chances are, possibly the first combination. So it is with being overweight and not being overweight. The world assumes it is ok to make jokes, give unsolicited advice, call 'funny'/ 'loving' but unmistakably unkind and cruel names...if you are overweight. It is not easy to say 'up yours' to every body who thus targets you. And even more hurtful when you see that your so-called friends are the ones who make up the names that go into circulation. Saying that I wanted to be called by my name, 'Sucheta'/ 'Suchi'..not ANY made up name, did not help. Because they could. Fat AND stabbed in the back.
Whatever. Moving on. You can look at a closed door all your life, or you can look for a way out. I believe deeply in the Almighty and know for sure that when I was groping blindly through my tears of frustration at being called 'fat and ugly' over and over and over again..I was sent my means of saving myself. Friends. Friends who dragged me to the gym. Friends who helped me overcome my awkwardness and join the local Club for fitness classes. Friends who did not call me unkind names but knew I was struggling to change myself. Friends who set me examples of diligence, discipline and no-whining-no-matter-what. Friends who were disciplined enough to stick with diets..and helped me through the really hard days of not straying from my diet. And wonderful instructors who became friends for life.
And slowly but surely I watched the pounds fall off. I also watched in wonder as I got more and more narcissistic. But hey, guess what, self-love is very important. It is a great feeling to tell the person in the mirror: "Looking sexy babe! " It is wonderful to be able to face everyday with a powerhouse of positive energy..and watch as people around you are drawn to that energy and energized by it. To me it has meant watching my husband go from couch-potato to a dedicated 26.2 marathoner..and my 11 year old baby girl excel in swim team and recently join the Fort Bend Fit distance running team.
I continue to walk my road. I still look for friendly hands to hold. A friendly hug on the way goes such a long long way in making my day. And I finally have the confidence to ignore the name-callers :)..and tell them all collectively, just this once, up yours.
:) Thanks Gav
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